Ellyn Hunt : Reflections on pregnancy.

We found out in October that we were expecting a baby and it was the most surreal thing. Jesus chose us to be parents and entrusted us with this tiny little life. That was my first thought. I have been given such a great and wonderful honor. It is a sacred thing, a beautiful thing. My heart is full at the thought of it all.

Family is such a sacred thing.
Babies are miracles. We can create new life and a heart begins to beat and there is a soul living within my womb and is this not the most beautiful display of God's creativity and love for us as our creator God, the maker of all life? He breathed life into her and she became a living soul, our little girl.

I thought I felt her move for the first time when we were in Austria for New Years, but I was sure of it when Chris and I were sitting side by side on the plane to Peru. I felt her, like a little butterfly, moving inside of me. I remember just how I felt, like it was the most private and precious moment between me and my baby, the first of many.

Pregnancy is an adventure and a journey. You change, your body changes, your ideas change. You face new fears and you have to learn to trust all over again. Because it isn't just trusting the Lord for yourself anymore, it is suddenly trusting the Lord with this tiny person who you love more than you ever believed possible. And so you remember. You remember that no matter how much you love her, He will always love her more. No matter how many times you fail her in this life, He never will. You remember that He created her and she is His. And you trust.

The weeks pass by and your belly begins to grow. You discover that your heart can love more than you ever thought humanly possible, and the love grows and grows. Your baby grows and gets stronger and you can feel her move every single day, your constant companion.

There are moments when you are so excited that you don't even know what to do. And then there are moments when you are so afraid that you really won't know what to do. But God is with you. The holy spirit gently reminds you that you won't know what to do, but He always will. You won't be a perfect parent, but you will lead and guide your child toward the perfect Heavenly Father. You won't have it all figured out, but you will teach your child about faith and trust and forgiveness.

For me, pregnancy has taught me so much about trusting the Lord. It is lovely to be pregnant, to feel Jubilee moving all throughout the day, to experience this kind of love. I feel her moving as soon as I wake up in the morning and when I lay down to go to sleep at night. All throughout the day, I feel her and I have become so used this feeling. It is a dance, a constant interaction between us, just a foreshadow of the closeness we will share as mother and daughter, another incredible gift from God.

I have learned not to hold too tightly to these moments and also not to wish them away. Sometimes, we spend an entire pregnancy wishing that it would be over with and we would just have the baby already! And there are other times that we don't want the baby to be born yet, because we love this connection that we have with our child in the womb, where the baby is safe and protected. What I have learned is to appreciate every single day. Dont hold too tightly to the moments, and don't wish them away.

Appreciate the changes in your body, because it means that you are becoming better equipped to nurture this life while it is growing inside of you. Appreciate the first few months, when everything is more like a dream before you feel the first little movements of your baby. Appreciate the last months, when your belly is huge and your baby is moving like crazy, because these days are few and precious. I keep thinking about how very soon, Jubilee will be born and she will be outside of the womb for the first time. I will remember pregnancy fondly for all it taught be about trusting the Lord and a new kind of love, but I will also remember to appreciate the day as it comes, knowing that each day comes with a new lesson and that we will continue to grow together, Chris, Jubilee, and I.

I want to remember every second of her life, not wishing that she would stay little forever, or wishing anything away, but just memorizing each day, soaking up each moment, and counting each second with her as a blessing from God. She is His, after all, and we have been entrusted with her during our time here on this Earth. It makes me think about visits from great friends that you don't get to see very often. You stay up late into the night talking and laughing over coffee. You plan adventures during the day and you spend up every single moment of daylight doing things that will make lasting memories because you know that your time is limited. And what you are left over with are deep friendships and memories that last a lifetime. That is how I want to raise Jubilee and all of the other babies that God gives me- knowing that they belong to Him and that each moment with them is a gift. I am entrusted with them while we are all together on this earth, and being a mother is the greatest and highest honor.
And so we will live in the moment, in every moment. We will squeeze the most we can out of each day and we will thank God for giving us this time together, because all is a gift from Him.